Days come heavily. It came more like pouncing and me being unaware had flatten by it's impact. One one part of my brain, I'm still worried about my new dog getting himself hanged from his own leash. he climb the wall today; seeing perhaps an exit just over it; he came down hanging the second time. The first time I caught him doing it, wondering what all the banging was all about. I had to carry him down.
Things like this added more to my already fraying nerves. I have so many things in my mind already and wondered with all additional worries, how would my mind fare again.
I had been rescuing animals much to the annoyance of my pops and siblings. Ma was more the understanding one and without her with us now, I wonder how will I manage to save lives.
The space for one is already a problem. Aside from that the expenses I pay for their food. I know they can't yell at me over food for them for I pay for it and help in other expenses at the house. I am getting back to that bottomless well and all I have to keep my sanity intact is doing what I do. Not only it's therapeutic but I make a difference in this world. Something that they are crushing within me.
Some times I wonder If I am doing the right thing. I weep myself dry to purge myself of self doubt but today, the tears doesn't clean me as they used to. Catching buckets of it doesn't ease pain or helplessness. If the buckets overflow you have to pour it and start all over again. It's useless. In the end I drowned once again...
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