I hate losing, especially if it's done in a bad way. Cheating for example. If you had done every thing just to win and some body just made it easy by cheating, wouldn't you get so angry that you can actually butcher and prepare them for luch?
Well it happened again anyway. This time our own lawyer made a fool out of us by selling our case. I guess ma and her aunt(the real owner who slapped the case to her brother and niece) would rise from her grave now if she knows it. What bothers me the most is that they never did respect her. She and her sibs and their mom are just some dirty wash-clothes. Her pa's family are so greedy that they took their rights and their inheritance with it.
I just don't understand relatives at all. They smile at you upfront and shoot you behind. Boom! you're dead.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Earthquake in the house
After that magnitude 6 quake last week, I thought I will never be able to sleep right again. The after shocks had been nerve wreacking. You never know if the ceiling will fall on you while you sit there reading Harry Potter. I just hope my aquarium stays grounded. I thought it was going to crash. Thank God it did not.
Another quake hits home (well it always does every day, only this time it's one of those eplosive ones) as pops verbally abused my brother this time. I long since tried my hardest to hold my tongue infront of him. It's no good bickering with the old man for he never listens to reason. You have to have an iron will not to strangle him. Imagining it is hard to supress.
I don't know what started it. He always argue about small details. Well my brother is starting to becoming a lot like him and the way their voice raise that much, I believe a lot heard it. Pops kept calling him idiot. I wonder if he's the same. What's wrong with a little dream? I think I heard my brother talking about wanting to work but the way pops is degrading us, I wonder if we can survive being somebody some day. He is complaining a lot that we are useless but if we decide to find a job he stops us saying we are too stupid to find one. Lovely!
If you ask me, I believe he is afraid of being alone; or else he is really loose some where up there. This just occured to me. Maybe he have psychological problem. But try to tell him that and you're dead meat. He never accepts mistakes, makes other people's ideas his, concieted, a sexist, thinks lewd is funny, always blames other people, always shouts at them w/o the poor person's knowing why and lot others.
Well, that's just pretty ordinary unless my own psychosis bubbles up then we all got a huge problem.
Another quake hits home (well it always does every day, only this time it's one of those eplosive ones) as pops verbally abused my brother this time. I long since tried my hardest to hold my tongue infront of him. It's no good bickering with the old man for he never listens to reason. You have to have an iron will not to strangle him. Imagining it is hard to supress.
I don't know what started it. He always argue about small details. Well my brother is starting to becoming a lot like him and the way their voice raise that much, I believe a lot heard it. Pops kept calling him idiot. I wonder if he's the same. What's wrong with a little dream? I think I heard my brother talking about wanting to work but the way pops is degrading us, I wonder if we can survive being somebody some day. He is complaining a lot that we are useless but if we decide to find a job he stops us saying we are too stupid to find one. Lovely!
If you ask me, I believe he is afraid of being alone; or else he is really loose some where up there. This just occured to me. Maybe he have psychological problem. But try to tell him that and you're dead meat. He never accepts mistakes, makes other people's ideas his, concieted, a sexist, thinks lewd is funny, always blames other people, always shouts at them w/o the poor person's knowing why and lot others.
Well, that's just pretty ordinary unless my own psychosis bubbles up then we all got a huge problem.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Catching Water
Days come heavily. It came more like pouncing and me being unaware had flatten by it's impact. One one part of my brain, I'm still worried about my new dog getting himself hanged from his own leash. he climb the wall today; seeing perhaps an exit just over it; he came down hanging the second time. The first time I caught him doing it, wondering what all the banging was all about. I had to carry him down.
Things like this added more to my already fraying nerves. I have so many things in my mind already and wondered with all additional worries, how would my mind fare again.
I had been rescuing animals much to the annoyance of my pops and siblings. Ma was more the understanding one and without her with us now, I wonder how will I manage to save lives.
The space for one is already a problem. Aside from that the expenses I pay for their food. I know they can't yell at me over food for them for I pay for it and help in other expenses at the house. I am getting back to that bottomless well and all I have to keep my sanity intact is doing what I do. Not only it's therapeutic but I make a difference in this world. Something that they are crushing within me.
Some times I wonder If I am doing the right thing. I weep myself dry to purge myself of self doubt but today, the tears doesn't clean me as they used to. Catching buckets of it doesn't ease pain or helplessness. If the buckets overflow you have to pour it and start all over again. It's useless. In the end I drowned once again...
Things like this added more to my already fraying nerves. I have so many things in my mind already and wondered with all additional worries, how would my mind fare again.
I had been rescuing animals much to the annoyance of my pops and siblings. Ma was more the understanding one and without her with us now, I wonder how will I manage to save lives.
The space for one is already a problem. Aside from that the expenses I pay for their food. I know they can't yell at me over food for them for I pay for it and help in other expenses at the house. I am getting back to that bottomless well and all I have to keep my sanity intact is doing what I do. Not only it's therapeutic but I make a difference in this world. Something that they are crushing within me.
Some times I wonder If I am doing the right thing. I weep myself dry to purge myself of self doubt but today, the tears doesn't clean me as they used to. Catching buckets of it doesn't ease pain or helplessness. If the buckets overflow you have to pour it and start all over again. It's useless. In the end I drowned once again...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)